Over the last sixteen years, I watched my two beautiful daughters suffer in pain as their biological father was always absent. He showed up for visitation on two occasions; one Sunday 16 years ago and a weekend 14 years ago.
12 years ago, my oldest daughter asked if she could call her biological father. I hunted him down and watched as she would call him and leave messages. Than I watched as she wrote him letters and put them in the mail box. Daily she would get off the bus from school and run to the mail box pull out the letters to see if there was anything from her biological father. Nothing.
I was there to hug them when they wanted to have visitation with their dad and he had no interest in them. I was there when he would call finally, promise to call them weekly than vanish into thin air.
Two years ago my daughters tried again to reach out. He would only talk to one of them. It turned out to be a disaster. BF (biological father) spent the entire time bad mouthing myself and criticizing the dreams my daughter had for her own life. It was clear that he wanted to control her and wanted her to do what he wanted - not allowing her to have a say in her own life decisions.
The conflict came that I raised my children to be independent, free thinkers who by no means is a puppet to a puppeteer.
Recently, my youngest daughter reached out to her father. They both found his blog where he bragged that he was a "deeply devoted father". This statement caused much emotional grief to my daughters who always desired BF to be active in their lives.
The response to my youngest daughter was disturbing. BF belittled my oldest daughter, my parents (my daughters grandparents who have been their for them their entire life), and of course my self. He text my youngest daughter for multiple hours making allegations that cannot be back up with any evidence. Alleged that I was out to get him, and he couldn't got to court to get more visitation (keep in mind BF is an attorney he would only cost him time to represent himself if he "wanted" to get a court order to change the initial visitation). He claimed he mailed Christmas and Birthday cards and gifts that "your mother" must have thrown away. Keep in mind my daughters tend to get the mail from our mail box; they have received about five cards only over the last 16 years.
My youngest daughter, was crying and sobbing as she could see through the deception of his statements. She said to me "I want a dad, I don't want this." This poor girl kept asking him to stop that this is not the way to build a relationship. however he continues to text her with this negativity.
It is bizarre that BF just cannot be their friend or start a relationship. It's all negative and dragging my daughters down. BF is trying so hard to discredit everyone close to my daughters. Those that have helped with college, those that have been their through surgeries, activities, and to help them accomplish their dreams and goals in life.
My oldest daughter than confronted BF regarding the defaming statements he made about her. It turned into a huge fight in which BF told my oldest daughter that she is immature an irresponsible - My oldest daughter who has lived out of the country going to school for a year. Working odd Theatre jobs to pay for college and her flat. My oldest daughter who is first in her class in school.
I told my daughters the decisions they make in life, are theirs and theirs alone. That I love each of them and no matter what I will always love them.
This situation lays heavy on my heart. They are my daughters. My sweet adorable little girls. I can't protect them forever. It shocks me that someone who is supposed to be a blood relative, their biological father, would treat them with such disdain, hate, and pain.
I want to scream. I want to protect them. I want to make it stop. However, I know if I jump in, I don't want to make a decision for them that could anger them their entire life.
With that said. I pray that my daughters will have comfort and protection during this difficult time. That they will both find the strength they need to get through this negativity. I pray that wisdom of their youth will help them find the power within themselves to find the positive out of this experience and rise to a strong, loving, happy place.
My daughters, I love you with all my heart. I give you a part of my heart that will help heal the pain you are both going through right now. Know that you are amazing young women. You are both intelligent and have talents that will bless the world. Share your gifts. Love will help you find the right answers and ways to handle difficult situations.
