Beauty of Nature

Beauty of Nature
blissful beauty only found in nature

Sunday, November 28, 2010

bereavement

Hiding
not wanting to
come out to play

Clouds
billowing in
black, dreary, heavy

Breeze
blowing my hair
chills on my bare skin

Cold
wetness
crying from the sky

Rain
feels my pain
my heart, icy cold dead inside

Love
lost in the wind
never to be found

Cold
icy hands
winter blows on as do i

~ceil alexander

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Watch for the WindWatch for the Wind by Rod McKuen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


I went to the little corner bookstore looking for a book for a gift however didn't find anything for my friend but found this beautiful poetry book by Rod. One by chance I didn't have. It was so happy to come home with me and I couldn't put it down.



So many beautiful poems. Where do I start.....with Rod's beautiful words at the beginning " Love is seldom carried by the wind - and life, less so. What the wind is best at is rearranging season, cycles, weather coming, weather already here. Though wind can be a part of weather and its make - up, it is always more."



A true romantic without romance. I have always loved Rod and his poetry sings to my heart and warms my soul. He brings bliss and enjoyment with the words that he shares in a mysterious yet friendly way.



I highly recommend Watch for the Wind to any and all poetry lovers.



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Enchantment

Your hand
grabbing mine
we walk on the dirt pathway

Your tattered
Keats poetry
the itchy wool blanket

Stars
swirling above
our heads in the dark sky

Deep
hazel eyes
staring deep into my soul

A caputured moment
two lovers
entwined in each others arms

Your hand
reaches for my chin
we kiss, everlasting enduring

~ ceil alexander

*Dedicated to William where ever you may be

Puddle

A single tear
drizzled
from my eye

I placed my finger
on my
cheek

It is ink
black ink
leaking from my eyes

Dripping down my chin
making
puddles of words

Crawling
down my
bare arms

Entwined
around my legs
tickling my toes

Words leaking
from
every pore

unfolding
   bloom
life

My eyes
dripping
my thoughts pouring

Down
in a puddle
tickling my toes

pacify
  yearn
agony

My skin
it is black
drips of ink

lust
 disgust
intrigue

burning
  infection
hold me


~ceil alexander

Blossom

Are you happy
do you feel good
when you use women
for your pleasure

You call it blossoming
you do this to women
Little do you know
we see your insecurities

Hide behind that pain
cause pain to woman
you are just a scared little boy
who doesn't know how to love

You won't open your heart
will you ever find
your inner soul and
what makes you blossom

You steal,
you stole a life
plucked from one that loved you
the only one that could see the
real you, barried deep inside.

Do you feel strong,
does it make you estatatic
your cold heart, black blood
plusing through your veins.

How long will you
make women scream
before you realize
you are the dilemma.

~ceil alexander
Touching the Void: The True Story of One Man's Miraculous SurvivalTouching the Void: The True Story of One Man's Miraculous Survival by Joe Simpson

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


********************************************SPOILERS****************************************************



This is a book about one's spirit to survive. Joe Simpson, experienced climber, recounts the events of his 21,000 foot climb to the summit of Siula Grande. Disaster struck almost taking his life. Joe Plunged off a verticle ice face and suffered a severe fracture in his leg.



Joe's climbing partner Simon Yates thought Simpson dead, cut the 150 foot rope. By a pure miracle Joe survived the plumant in a crevise in a glacier. Simon made his way down horrific and grueling odds to base camp where he was overcome with grief at the loss of his climbing partner and friend.



Deep in the mountain, in darkness, pain, thirst and hunger. Joe made his way down the mount. Severly frostbitten Joe crawled down steep cliffs and canyohns of the Andes reaching base camp hours before Simon planned to leave.



Eloquetly written account of the pain, fear and harrowing days that Simpson went through. Not only is Joe and amazing Alpinest but he is an amazing writer. I couldn't put this book down. Inspiring and truly a master piece.



A must read.



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Friday, November 26, 2010

A Reliable WifeA Reliable Wife by Robert Goolrick

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


******************************SPOILERS**********************************



This book was considered suspenseful and a thrilling juicy read by the critics.



I would have to say initially yes by the end of the book I could predict everything that was going to happen which made it harder to finish the book.



An interesting tell about a man, Ralph Truitt, whom puts an add in a Chicago Newspaper seeking a wife. Answsered by a women who, as you learn in reading the book, knew all about that man. As Catherine is dating Truitt's lost son. The intentions are to get Catherine into Truitt's life. She is to kill him slowly with arsenic. Catherine has a change of heart as she falls in love with Truitt and out of love with Antonio. Ends with Antonio's death and Truitt and Catherine expecting a baby.



This book started out well. It did sucked me in and I didn't want to put it down but about half way through just got preditctable and the writting seemed to well just get boring. It was as if Goolrick ran out of ideas.



This book was exotic. A lot more sex then I expected for a non-romance fictional book.



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A MercyA Mercy by Toni Morrison

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


******************************SPOILERS**********************************



This books was eloquently written by Ms. Morrison. The story follows the life of slaves during 17th Century America. The historical perspective through the characters eyes was presented in a way that I felt that I was jumping back in history to the lives of those who lived in the 17th Century America.



Florens is a young slave girl. She is sold to Jacob Vaark a small farmer when she is eight years old. When the sale takes place, she has an empty, lonely place on her heart as she feels that her mother has given her up. The combination of being sold and taken from her mother and being a slave has a huge impact upon her life as it places her in a position that she can never reach her full potential. Unlike most of the slaves in this book. She did learn to write and read a small amount.



Jacob Vaark is married to Rebekka whom he married as basically a mail order bride. Jacob aquires Florens from Senhor D'Ortega. He tries to get Florens mother however, A minha Mae, pushes Floren to Jacob. He knows that it is a poor substitute for minha mae however his heart feels that Florens would be better with him and Rebekka.



Rebekka, initially dispises Lina, the first slave to the Vaark family. However, her heart softens and she learns to love Lina as a sister. The Vaark's have their slaves but treat them a little better then most slaves are treated. Still horrible situation for Lina, Florens, Sorrow, Willard and Scully but treated well initially. However, once Jacob succumbs to pox. Rebekka overcome with depression begins to treat the slaves in a vile manner.



A character that I felt sorry for was Sorrow. A shipwrecked child who is given to Jacob when she is pregnant. Her first child does not survive. She is given the name Sorrow as they believe bad/cursed luck follows her. She survives pox by the blacksmith and then is prgnant when Jacob dies of pox. I felt so sorry for her as she was not treated as well as the other slaves because of her cursed or bad luck. She is slow which is a product of being brought up and raised as a slave.



I must add about the blacksmith. The free blackman whom makes the gate to the farm for the Vaark's. He is a healer whom heals Sorrow and later Rebekka. However, he is attracted to young Florens and thought the sex is consentual, it is clear he has taken advanatage of young Florens. In her mindset, she is in love with the Blacksmith yet he is so egotistical and womanizing that he rejects her because she is a slave that can never be more then a slave.



The last chapter of this book was touching and moving. Florens had a deep feeling that her mother never loved her and gave her up. Yet in the end the final chapter is minha mae's. She professes her unconditional love for her daughter, however not able to tell her daughter that when she pushed for Vaark to take eight year old Florens it was to protect her from D'Ortega. It did bring tears to my eyes, as a mother myself I know that love that a Mum has for their child and this was the only way minha mae could protect Florens.



In reading this book, I was impressed with Toni Morrison's presentation of the characters and the dialect used. Each character had their own voice.



I could not help but think how far women have come in America, with our rights. Back in the 17th Century women had no rights even to land. This was impressed upon by the fact that if Rebekka didn't remarry she would lose the farm. The fear in the slaves of being sold to a cruel master was ever present after Jacob's demise to pox.



The book also possed the sadness that is slavery. What an awful humanity was during this time period. Slavery was inhumane. A part of American history that we should all be ashamed of and at the same time thankful that we have abolished slavery and learned the imporantance of human life no matter what race, creed, or sex a person happens to be.



Beautiful and touching book.



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What am I doing here?

I am in a rather odd mood thus strange words may escape my finger tips.  While making rocky road today I was pondering "What am I doing here?" I wasn't pondering why I was home or making candy but the deeper question- What am I doing here on Earth? What are any of us doing here on earth?

Being raised religious, the answer would be God dropped me here to try to prove to him that I love Him and should be honored to return to him.





Then as I stired in the marshmellows I contemplated evolution. How does evolution fit into the tangled web of religion and the seven days of creation. Then I thought well, we have scientific evidence of evolution where is our evidence of the creation.

I feel small today. I think about how big whales, elephants, moutntains, I am small. Not as small as an ant or a flower still I am small.

I haven't decided what I am doing here, don't know when the answer will hit me upside the head when it comes I will know.

Book Review: UNDER THE BANNER OF HEAVEN

Under the Banner of HeavenUnder the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


*************************************SPOILERS*********************************************



Another great book from Jon Krakauer. Amazing writer and a well researched topic. This book has become highly critized by members of the LDS Church and many without either reading the whole book or just going off false judgements of those whom haven't read the book at all.



Jon Krakauer spent three years reasearching this book. He sited interviews and texts written by members of the LDS church and by nonmembers. This helps the book by showing both sides of the religious context of the book. This book covers two stories: 1) the murders committed by Ron and Dan Lafferty and 2)the evolution and origin of the LDS church.



In order to understand how the Lafferty brothers thought process became so obscure one must understand their religious background.



For me this book not only uncovered the sickness that infected the Lafferty brothers but as a member of the LDS church with some knowledge of the true history, my eyes were opened and I have been able to do my own research on the religious beliefs I was brought up and raised with.



The begining of the LDS church and the ceasing of polygamy is an important historical event. An event that pushes two brothers in murdering their sister in law and neice in the name of "God". Cruel and horrible murders that neither brother has remorse for. The both sit in prision at the point of the mountain. One appealling his death penality the other in deep religious meditation with another former member of the LDS Church (Mark Hoffman) who committed forgery crimes to try to bring down the LDS Church. Both brothers raised LDS broke away from the church to become Fundamentalist. The Fundamentalist Church broke away from the LDS church in order to continue to practice polygomy. With the Fundamentalists many believe that they are prophets of God. This belief became strong to the Lafferty brother. To the point that they believed "God" told them to murder.



The oppression that is highly dominant in the Fundamentalist churhc, it is extrememly sad for the woman and girls that grow up in this society. Krakauer does an excellant job by interviews with women who have been strong enough to leave the Fundamentalist church in order to gain freedom. It brought me to the realization that even the LDS church has an element of oppression. It teaches and encourages the members to have continual learning and encourages college degrees. However, the oppression comes from the "power" that the male members have over the female members. Maybe it is just a religious oppression since so many religions oppress the women.



Krakauer is a great writer. He presented a well researched about the Lafferty brothers, LDS Chruch beginnings and the Fundamemtalist Church. Krakauer gives a great ending to the story with his personal insight and opinion. Which is one reason I have enjoyed all his books is his personal opinions. He is very clear throughout the entire book that the LDS Church and the Fundamentalist chruch are two seperate chruches. One breaking away from the other.



I would highly recommend reading this book if not only to find out about the murders but to learn about the history of the LDS Church and the Fundamentalist church.



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Thursday, November 25, 2010

"Nobody Knows me at all"

I am an avid listener to music.  I close my eyes and if I can feel my soul begin to dance I know that the song is beauty in true form.  There is nothing in the world like dancing to music and not just the dancing but if the song can move you to dance the lyrics can touch your heart.

Yesterday in exploring my favorite band, Mumford and Sons, on my Pandora station I found another band a lovely band named The Weepies. The name of the band struck a chord to my heart, then the song "Nobody Knows Me At All". The lyrics and the music it reminds me of dancing. It brings me to a happy place in my soul. Then I realized why, that honestly who knows me. Can you say you know how my mind thinks, how my heart feels, how I love, how I care. Are you there when I laugh, cry. Do you know me.

When I smile do you know what my heart thinks. Do you know what makes me smile? Do you know what I am thinking when I look ponderingly out at the rain. When a tear dances down my cheek am I happy or sad.

How well do you know me?

When one love dies another is born

On this blessed Thanksgiving day, I just talked to my sweet sister. She announced that she is pregnant and expecting a beautiful baby in June 2011. My heart skipped a beat. I am extremely excited to be an Auntie. How little babies bring so much love and joy.

My sister asked be to be there when this little one is born. Such an honor to be there with her during this blessed event. June will be a truly wonderful time.

Amazing how when one person rejects my love a new little one will come to the earth and soak it up. I can't wait to spoil this sweet little one. Kisses to my new niece or nephew. You have no idea how much love will be thrown upon you little one.

Happy Thanksgiving!


One of my favorite days. A day I get to spend with my darling children and enjoy food.

Thus, I shall share some of the reasons I am thankful. I am thankful for being a mother. From the moment my first daughter was born I knew that being a Mum was the best job in the world. I am so thankful for all three of my beautiful children. They bless my life with their smiles. Oh and when they laugh, their laughter feels my heart with so much joy it makes me laugh and thus spreads through my house like a virus. Then the sarcasm. Oh I have raised three extremely sarcastic children and how I love it. Another thing that makes us all giggle. I have enjoyed raising these beautiful children from their first glance at my face after they were born, to the first step, first word, first spelling test, reading their first book and to my oldest getting her college applications. I am so thankful and blessed to have three beautiful, intelligent children. They carry my heart forever.


I am thankful for my parents. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for their love. They have always been there for me no matter if I was being an immature brat or the loving daughter that they treasure. My Mum is the sweetest most caring woman in the world. I fondly remember her making homemade chicken noodle soup when I was sick. Placing a cold wet rag on my forehead to bring down my fevers. Her giving me flowers at my dance performances. Thanks Mum! You are the best in the world!


My Dad, I was always and will always be a Daddy's girl. He instilled a deep love and appreciation of arts within my soul as a small child. It started with late nights reading under the stars in our backyard. He read me Dr. Jeykl and Mr. Hyde, Sherlock Holmes, Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, the books he read goes on and on. He took me to my first play. Always in the audience at my ballet and modern dance performances from when I was two years old until the last performance on a stage. Thanks Dad for everything!


I am thankful for my siblings. The wonderful memories that I have growing up with you all and now drinking and laughing late at night.


My beautiful Vine Family, I am so thankful for all of you. My blessing and light during a dark time in my life. I can't express the joy and love you all have brought to my life. Just because you all loved and cared in a simple loving way that made my heart burst with joy and love for all of you!


All my dear friends who have laughed, cried, gone on adventures with me and just had long wonderful converstations. Thank you for blessing my life with your love and with you!


Enjoy your day and know that you are all loved so dearly. Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for blessing my life!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Sears Tower Climb 2010

November 14, 2010 was the second year that I completed the Sears (Willis) Tower climb for Skyrise Chicago. I raised money in the climb that went to help Rehab Institute of Chicago.

The wonderful thing about RIC is that they help patients who have suffered severe injuries all over the world. This year I dedicated my climb to three women that I love that right now wouldn't have been able to climb all 2109 steps to the 103rd floor of the tower. My Mum, who had a total knee replacement a few months ago. My dear sister Teresa who had a surgery which has made her bed ridden. And my dear friend Anne who was recently diagnosed with serious lung illness which has limited her traveling.

I started the climb later this year and found this year rewarding. Most of the patients who have completed therapy climb later in the day. It was so wonderful to climb with those who have been able to come out of a trauma and learn to walk again not just walk but climb the stairs to the observation deck. I met an amazing 70 year old woman who had bilateral hip replacement and she made it. This was so inspiring for me to realize, I can accomplish anything as long as I put my heart, soul and mind to it.

When I stepped out onto the observation deck my eyes got tearful. To know that I was able to raise money to help those patients in need of rehabiliation services. As you step out medals are handed to you by patients. When I actually meet the individuals that I did the climb for I was felt so much joy and love.

I plan on doing this again next year. A very rewarding and wonderful experience.

Monday, November 22, 2010

To love or not to love that is the question or is it a quest?

Seriously, I am sometimes the biggest idiot in the world. I have outdone myself this time too. I want to laugh, cry and scream. Hit something really hard. Honestly, you all can laugh at me because I am a complete joke.

I met a guy that I really liked back in late June. Because I was scared to admit that I liked him, since I didn't want to get hurt I was aloof. I gave signs that I liked him however they were not big and straight forward. We had wonderful phone conversations and shared great insight and actually, I started opening up because I felt safe around him. He opened up to me and even admited to me that he felt more comfortable around me.

Catch he was dating another woman, I lived 2200 miles away. I went to visit him had a lovely time until she kept texting him and he basically gave me the cold shoulder. I won't fight for a man's love because I am a wonderful person and I shouldn't have too. Thus I told him to go after her when I really wanted him. Tried to date a few others but just couldn't I wanted this man.

The other girl thus dumped him because she is in love with another man. After three months of regretting not telling him how I truly felt about him, knowing that he stopped dating other women, I professed my feelings to him only to be rejected.

I knew that it would either be that he wanted to give us an effort or in reality he was the womanizer that I suspected and he never cared or liked me he was just using me. Thus I discovered that he had only been using me for his physical pleasure and had never liked me.

It hurts, I can't lie about that. I also wonder why I fell for a man who is incapable of love. I thought I saw a man who was capable of unconditional love but I was wrong. Maybe my man radar is broken or something.

In the last few days I have pondered, cried, pondered and realized that I am an amazing woman. I have a heart of gold. I am smart, beautiful and fun. No man deserves me.

Will I be missing out by never having a man to say "I love you" or to hear a man say "I love you". No, because I do have love. I have the most wonderful children in the world. I love them more than anything in the world and they reciprocate the love back to me. And then my beautiful parents and siblings who no matter how goofy or crazy I am they love me no matter what and stand by to support me through thick or thin. I also have the love of my dear friends who without them I wouldn't be the woman I am today.

Love, my life is overflowing with love.