Journey of Enlightenment 26 November 2011

I awoke this morning and read my daily Dalai Lama as I have on other mornings. The beginning of today's journey brought me a silent tranquil spirit. It is the peace I am searching for the peace I so desire to share with others.

"Ordinary compassion and love give rise to a very close feeling, but it is essentially attachment.  As long as the other person appears to you as beautiful or good, love remains, but as soon as he or she appears to you as less beautiful or good, your love completely changes.  Even though your dear friend is the same person, he feels more like an enemy. Instead of love you now feel hostility.  With genunine love and compassion, another person's appearance or behavior has no effect on your attitude. Real compassion comes from seeing the other's suffering. You feel a sense of responsibilty, and you want to do something for him or her."  ~Dalai Lama

So much wisdom, as I can truly apply this thought and wisdom to many of my relationships in my life. How much healing must I do to lift others from pain and sorrow that I may have inflicted upon them. 

With love in my soul and heart, I hope that I can be forgiven by those I have hurt. I pray that they may find peace and comfort.

The world is a wonderful place full of beauty. The world is full of beautiful people who have much to give to those around them.  As Thanksgiving has past us just recently and now our hearts and minds turn to the celebration of the birth of the Saviour.  I hope that I can express my deepest love and joy to all of my children, family and friends. As you all have made me the person I am today. I love you all with such joy and peace. Thank you so much for blessing my life with your kindness and love. I am who I am because of each of you.

I am sending all peace and joy this holiday season. May love feel your hearts with joy and happiness throughout your life.

Crepuscule

Crepuscule

You pierced my heart
with the cold steal
I watched your eyes
the love
in your eyes gone.

The dagger you wiped
on your shirt
I could feel the blood
from my heart
pouring from the wound.


The wound you left
in my heart
the blood rushing
from my body
I feel my heart slow down.

My body falls
restfully numb
I can't feel my hands
the hands that
held you close many nights.

Darkness
encompasses me
you lift my limp body
as you place me in the
waves of the ocean.

Is this our farewell


Ceil Alexander

Feel the Tide

Feel the Tide
Mumford and Sons

She sits him down in a stiff chair
Rubs his back and strokes his hair
Telling him it's okay to cry
But he just sits and stares
The merciless moon outside
Has nothing now he's come to realise
Only the desolation he feels
The cold distance inside

But you and I now
We can be alright
Just hold on to what we know is true
You and I now
Though it's cold inside
Feel the tide turning

While the priest just sits and weeps
Lamenting the fact that he can see
Darkness and light in so much detail
He has given himself over
Refusing what he knows to be real
He turns away from every meal
Starving himself of goodness
He doesn't think he can heal

But you and I now
We can be alright
Just hold on to what we know is true
You and I now
Though it's cold inside
Feel the tide turning

"What if I lost all I had?"
Said the stranger to his dad
And the witness was confused
He can't tell what is bad
Instead he runs up to the nearest girl
And he comments on her glorious curls
Says, "Darling come with me
I'll show you a whole new world"

But you and I now
We can be alright
Just hold on to what we know is true
You and I now
Though it's cold inside
Feel the tide turning

To love or not to love that is the question or is it a quest?

Seriously, I am sometimes the biggest idiot in the world. I have outdone myself this time too. I want to laugh, cry and scream. Hit something really hard. Honestly, you all can laugh at me because I am a complete joke.

I met a guy that I really liked back in late June. Because I was scared to admit that I liked him, since I didn't want to get hurt I was aloof. I gave signs that I liked him however they were not big and straight forward. We had wonderful phone conversations and shared great insight and actually, I started opening up because I felt safe around him. He opened up to me and even admited to me that he felt more comfortable around me.

Catch he was dating another woman, I lived 2200 miles away. I went to visit him had a lovely time until she kept texting him and he basically gave me the cold shoulder. I won't fight for a man's love because I am a wonderful person and I shouldn't have too. Thus I told him to go after her when I really wanted him. Tried to date a few others but just couldn't I wanted this man.

The other girl thus dumped him because she is in love with another man. After three months of regretting not telling him how I truly felt about him, knowing that he stopped dating other women, I professed my feelings to him only to be rejected.

I knew that it would either be that he wanted to give us an effort or in reality he was the womanizer that I suspected and he never cared or liked me he was just using me. Thus I discovered that he had only been using me for his physical pleasure and had never liked me.

It hurts, I can't lie about that. I also wonder why I fell for a man who is incapable of love. I thought I saw a man who was capable of unconditional love but I was wrong. Maybe my man radar is broken or something.

In the last few days I have pondered, cried, pondered and realized that I am an amazing woman. I have a heart of gold. I am smart, beautiful and fun. No man deserves me.

Will I be missing out by never having a man to say "I love you" or to hear a man say "I love you". No, because I do have love. I have the most wonderful children in the world. I love them more than anything in the world and they reciprocate the love back to me. And then my beautiful parents and siblings who no matter how goofy or crazy I am they love me no matter what and stand by to support me through thick or thin. I also have the love of my dear friends who without them I wouldn't be the woman I am today.

Love, my life is overflowing with love.