just blabbing

Have you ever thought what on earth was I doing?  I realized that I should have never told the said boy that I had liked him and wanted to start something.  It is so odd, I haven't felt the way I felt about him about anyone and the thing that I don't understand is why it was I could look into his eyes and see the real man that was hiding behind so much pain from a wife who cheated on him, moving into a partying phase, using women for sex then actually finally coming out. The sweet man I could see buried and hurt under so many layers of pain and hurt and mistakes.  Finally, he has these ephipanies and is the man I saw the man I feel in love with the man I would have waited for.

I want the pain of his rejection to go away. I hate that I think about him I hate that I want him. I hate that I can't stop thinking I could give him another chance.  When deep down I know that he completely used me, violated my personal space and did things that were rude. I hate myself and feel so completely stupid right now. 

Thus, I am really trying hard to forget about him, and it is hard.  making new goals looking at new prospects like the book I am writing. I am also putting my poetry down in my blog which I never usually share my poetry I don't know why but my friends have told me that they like it.

okay i need to stop. I am going to go read. Can't keep thinking about this need to move on. He had his chance for a woman who would love him unconditional for all his good and bad. He chose someone who doesn't care about him and was only using him. And I know this for a fact. His loss. He lost a beautiful, intelligent, loving and understanding woman.