"Nobody Knows me at all"

I am an avid listener to music.  I close my eyes and if I can feel my soul begin to dance I know that the song is beauty in true form.  There is nothing in the world like dancing to music and not just the dancing but if the song can move you to dance the lyrics can touch your heart.

Yesterday in exploring my favorite band, Mumford and Sons, on my Pandora station I found another band a lovely band named The Weepies. The name of the band struck a chord to my heart, then the song "Nobody Knows Me At All". The lyrics and the music it reminds me of dancing. It brings me to a happy place in my soul. Then I realized why, that honestly who knows me. Can you say you know how my mind thinks, how my heart feels, how I love, how I care. Are you there when I laugh, cry. Do you know me.

When I smile do you know what my heart thinks. Do you know what makes me smile? Do you know what I am thinking when I look ponderingly out at the rain. When a tear dances down my cheek am I happy or sad.

How well do you know me?

When one love dies another is born

On this blessed Thanksgiving day, I just talked to my sweet sister. She announced that she is pregnant and expecting a beautiful baby in June 2011. My heart skipped a beat. I am extremely excited to be an Auntie. How little babies bring so much love and joy.

My sister asked be to be there when this little one is born. Such an honor to be there with her during this blessed event. June will be a truly wonderful time.

Amazing how when one person rejects my love a new little one will come to the earth and soak it up. I can't wait to spoil this sweet little one. Kisses to my new niece or nephew. You have no idea how much love will be thrown upon you little one.

Happy Thanksgiving!

One of my favorite days. A day I get to spend with my darling children and enjoy food.

Thus, I shall share some of the reasons I am thankful. I am thankful for being a mother. From the moment my first daughter was born I knew that being a Mum was the best job in the world. I am so thankful for all three of my beautiful children. They bless my life with their smiles. Oh and when they laugh, their laughter feels my heart with so much joy it makes me laugh and thus spreads through my house like a virus. Then the sarcasm. Oh I have raised three extremely sarcastic children and how I love it. Another thing that makes us all giggle. I have enjoyed raising these beautiful children from their first glance at my face after they were born, to the first step, first word, first spelling test, reading their first book and to my oldest getting her college applications. I am so thankful and blessed to have three beautiful, intelligent children. They carry my heart forever.

I am thankful for my parents. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for their love. They have always been there for me no matter if I was being an immature brat or the loving daughter that they treasure. My Mum is the sweetest most caring woman in the world. I fondly remember her making homemade chicken noodle soup when I was sick. Placing a cold wet rag on my forehead to bring down my fevers. Her giving me flowers at my dance performances. Thanks Mum! You are the best in the world!

My Dad, I was always and will always be a Daddy's girl. He instilled a deep love and appreciation of arts within my soul as a small child. It started with late nights reading under the stars in our backyard. He read me Dr. Jeykl and Mr. Hyde, Sherlock Holmes, Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, the books he read goes on and on. He took me to my first play. Always in the audience at my ballet and modern dance performances from when I was two years old until the last performance on a stage. Thanks Dad for everything!

I am thankful for my siblings. The wonderful memories that I have growing up with you all and now drinking and laughing late at night.

My beautiful Vine Family, I am so thankful for all of you. My blessing and light during a dark time in my life. I can't express the joy and love you all have brought to my life. Just because you all loved and cared in a simple loving way that made my heart burst with joy and love for all of you!

All my dear friends who have laughed, cried, gone on adventures with me and just had long wonderful converstations. Thank you for blessing my life with your love and with you!

Enjoy your day and know that you are all loved so dearly. Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for blessing my life!

Sears Tower Climb 2010

November 14, 2010 was the second year that I completed the Sears (Willis) Tower climb for Skyrise Chicago. I raised money in the climb that went to help Rehab Institute of Chicago.

The wonderful thing about RIC is that they help patients who have suffered severe injuries all over the world. This year I dedicated my climb to three women that I love that right now wouldn't have been able to climb all 2109 steps to the 103rd floor of the tower. My Mum, who had a total knee replacement a few months ago. My dear sister Teresa who had a surgery which has made her bed ridden. And my dear friend Anne who was recently diagnosed with serious lung illness which has limited her traveling.

I started the climb later this year and found this year rewarding. Most of the patients who have completed therapy climb later in the day. It was so wonderful to climb with those who have been able to come out of a trauma and learn to walk again not just walk but climb the stairs to the observation deck. I met an amazing 70 year old woman who had bilateral hip replacement and she made it. This was so inspiring for me to realize, I can accomplish anything as long as I put my heart, soul and mind to it.

When I stepped out onto the observation deck my eyes got tearful. To know that I was able to raise money to help those patients in need of rehabiliation services. As you step out medals are handed to you by patients. When I actually meet the individuals that I did the climb for I was felt so much joy and love.

I plan on doing this again next year. A very rewarding and wonderful experience.

To love or not to love that is the question or is it a quest?

Seriously, I am sometimes the biggest idiot in the world. I have outdone myself this time too. I want to laugh, cry and scream. Hit something really hard. Honestly, you all can laugh at me because I am a complete joke.

I met a guy that I really liked back in late June. Because I was scared to admit that I liked him, since I didn't want to get hurt I was aloof. I gave signs that I liked him however they were not big and straight forward. We had wonderful phone conversations and shared great insight and actually, I started opening up because I felt safe around him. He opened up to me and even admited to me that he felt more comfortable around me.

Catch he was dating another woman, I lived 2200 miles away. I went to visit him had a lovely time until she kept texting him and he basically gave me the cold shoulder. I won't fight for a man's love because I am a wonderful person and I shouldn't have too. Thus I told him to go after her when I really wanted him. Tried to date a few others but just couldn't I wanted this man.

The other girl thus dumped him because she is in love with another man. After three months of regretting not telling him how I truly felt about him, knowing that he stopped dating other women, I professed my feelings to him only to be rejected.

I knew that it would either be that he wanted to give us an effort or in reality he was the womanizer that I suspected and he never cared or liked me he was just using me. Thus I discovered that he had only been using me for his physical pleasure and had never liked me.

It hurts, I can't lie about that. I also wonder why I fell for a man who is incapable of love. I thought I saw a man who was capable of unconditional love but I was wrong. Maybe my man radar is broken or something.

In the last few days I have pondered, cried, pondered and realized that I am an amazing woman. I have a heart of gold. I am smart, beautiful and fun. No man deserves me.

Will I be missing out by never having a man to say "I love you" or to hear a man say "I love you". No, because I do have love. I have the most wonderful children in the world. I love them more than anything in the world and they reciprocate the love back to me. And then my beautiful parents and siblings who no matter how goofy or crazy I am they love me no matter what and stand by to support me through thick or thin. I also have the love of my dear friends who without them I wouldn't be the woman I am today.

Love, my life is overflowing with love.

Back to Nature

Today was so amazing. It was a very pleasant day, the sky was clear with the sun warming the earth with her bright rays of light. Warm filled the air.

We traveled to a suburban town called Wayne, Illinois. Part of the Illinois Prairie path runs through Wayne. About four weeks ago I went on a bike ride out there with my friends. My thoughts as I traveled in this highly forested area was how peaceful and blissful it was in this area. I had to take my children to this wonderful place. Thus we hopped in the car and drove there.

Exploring the forest perserve by foot was even better then when I rode on the paths on my bike. Plus I was able to take the kids of the prairie path into the beautiful meadows and truly get close to nature and our lovely earth.

We found a stream and a pond. The pond was amazing because we saw so many frogs. I became a child again. Javi, my darling son, and I tried catching some frogs. We weren't successful I had totally forgotten how fast frogs are. The joy on my son's face to attempt to catch a frog was priceless.

There were several garden snakes and we did try to catch and take a picture of two of them but alas they were much too quick for us. We did find a deceased mouse, frog and snake. Javi wants to go back to have a funeral service for each of the deceased.

It was lovely, breath taking and peaceful. A nice way to end the week or start the next week. I enjoyed spending this time with my kids and wish it hadn't ended.

To climb or not to climb

I spent five hours today rock climbing. What I enjoy about the climbing is the exhilaration of ascending the 60 foot wall and the descent. I like the danger which is minimal when you are not on an actual rock face and when you are on the rock face. It is the power of being able to conquer mother nature.

Today, I pushed myself to the point that my biceps, triceps and deltoid are aching. My extensor digitorum, extensor pollicis longus and extensor carpi ulnaris are still twitching. I at least wore my ace wrap on my right knee which I know has a lateral meniscus tear, however, the wrap has at least saved my knee today as I have no swelling. I know I am so pushing myself but this is my exercise, my joy and what keeps me going.

The reason for the blog is that I have found so much challenge and joy in climbing. My little obsession.

When I came home tonight, ate a bit then sat to relax as my body is not liking that i am pushing it. Decided to watch a movie and ended up watching a documentary called "Touching the Void" the story of Simon Yates and Joe Simpson, the only two mountaineers to successful alpine climb the Siula Grande in the Andes.

One thing I admire is that they actually climbed to the peak of the Siula Grande. They used the skill and knowledge needed to conquer the mountain. However, upon the descent Joe fell putting excessive pressure on his left leg causing the fibula to jolt up and bang into his femur causing a severe break. Simon tried to get Joe off the mountain after going over a huge ice ledge and making no progress, Simon thought Joe was dead and cut the 150 foot rope.

Luckily, Joe had fallen in a crevasse in a glacier and miraculuslly made his way down to basecamp and out of the Andes alive.

Brings me to my point, should we be climbing these high peaks? Everest has become the "tourist" mountain for unexperienced climbers. Look back at the 1996 disaster on the mountain in which two of the worlds most experienced mountaineers sacrificed their lives to save the unexperienced climbers who paid them to take them on the mountain.

The dangers of climbing over 20,000 feet; ice, poor oxygen, frost bite, extreme wind chill, changes in temperature from day to evening, dangerous descents, storms, white outs, and more dangers.

My thoughts, climbing is a fun adventurous sport however it is dangerous and important make sure you double check your knots, equipment, have trust worthy climbing partners and experience. Personally for myself, I would not go up Everest, K12, Siula Grande or any other high peaks. Our grand creator of the earth did not intend for humans to be at such elevations. Kudo's to those whom climb the elevations. You will still see me on the rock but I won't be in places of snow and ice.