Italy Challenge 2011

My dear friend Jeane found a challenge to read books from or taking place in Italy. What a fun challenge and a great way to learn more about Italy. Thus, part of my new Years resolution is to read one book a month from either an Italian Author, taking place in Italy or about Italy.  Enjoy!

just blabbing

Have you ever thought what on earth was I doing?  I realized that I should have never told the said boy that I had liked him and wanted to start something.  It is so odd, I haven't felt the way I felt about him about anyone and the thing that I don't understand is why it was I could look into his eyes and see the real man that was hiding behind so much pain from a wife who cheated on him, moving into a partying phase, using women for sex then actually finally coming out. The sweet man I could see buried and hurt under so many layers of pain and hurt and mistakes.  Finally, he has these ephipanies and is the man I saw the man I feel in love with the man I would have waited for.

I want the pain of his rejection to go away. I hate that I think about him I hate that I want him. I hate that I can't stop thinking I could give him another chance.  When deep down I know that he completely used me, violated my personal space and did things that were rude. I hate myself and feel so completely stupid right now. 

Thus, I am really trying hard to forget about him, and it is hard.  making new goals looking at new prospects like the book I am writing. I am also putting my poetry down in my blog which I never usually share my poetry I don't know why but my friends have told me that they like it.

okay i need to stop. I am going to go read. Can't keep thinking about this need to move on. He had his chance for a woman who would love him unconditional for all his good and bad. He chose someone who doesn't care about him and was only using him. And I know this for a fact. His loss. He lost a beautiful, intelligent, loving and understanding woman.

LOVE

It's hard not to think about a broken heart, one falling apart, becoming cold as ice.  The fear of ever letting someone in and close again.

I realize that I made mistakes and I realize that I shouldn't have fallen in love with the boy had fallen in love with.  I even wish I hadn't of told him.

My dear friend told me that the twinkle in my eye disappeared after I told him and he didn't return the love.  My friend said that the boy didn't deserve my love that the boy had an opportunity to have a beautiful, intelligent, loving woman and the boy choose to reject me for a woman who has been using him.  Mikey was right, this boy didn't deserve my love. He didn't deserve anything I gave him.

Today, I got weak and viewed his blog and facebook profile.  He is in a lot of pain Michelle clearly hurt him.  Sad thing is that he was dating both of us, and he knew Michelle was using him and I could tell by the complaints he had. He had me right there who wouldn't have treated him as badly. Yet he chose the drama.

Part of me wants to hold him and make it better, that would only hurt me because he never cared. My heart has become cold as ice. I don't think I will be able to love another man again. I know I won't. 

Then I start thinking, so many people don't have love and never will and when I say this I mean as a life partner that will love you unconditionally. I am one of those people. I have known this my whole life.  I have my beautiful children whom I love and they love me. I have wonderful friends who love me and will always love me. I am a wanderer and will continue to meander through life and enjoy nature around me.

Goodbye

Eyes
blue like the ocean
call me to our soul
I love you and fear to tell you

Love
my heart aches
aches to the core
all I want is to be with you

Leave
you leave
never cared never loved
gone over my heart is ice

Tears
stream down
my once glowing face
cold, lonely and sad.

Fight Club

Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


*************************************SPOILERS**********************************************



A refreshing, humorous, off the wall and fantastic read. Palahniuk did amazing with his first published novel.



The narrator, who has insomnia, discovers that his identity is based upon his job and his possessions. He has no control over his life it is based upon his miserable job and possessions he frankly doesn't subconsciously even like. He starts going to support groups where he runs into Marla who is a "faker" like he is. Then a strange relationship ensues.



Then enters the charismatic character Tyler Durden. The narrator's condo goes up in flames after an explosion and he moves in with Tyler. However, in order to move in he has to "do something for Tyler" and that is hit him really hard. Thus the beginnings of fight club. An underground male dominated club where men go to beat the tar out of each other. This develops into "Project Mayhem". Where the men of fight club basically cause havoc and mass destruction. The narrator starts out as a devoted member of "Project Mayhem", however his conscious soon gets the best of him and he trys to stop Tyler. This is where it gets twisted. We discover that the narrator and Tyler are the same person. In an attempt to end his life with the bombing of Parker Morris Building. The narrator ends up in a mental institution where he is in the care of members of "Project Mayhem".



Twisted, and humorous. I think this book just takes that level of when we become adults and lose ourselves in our mundane lives and need to find a creative outlet to express ourselves. From a male perspective, this book gets down to the core of living that mundane life exploring yourself to the extent of testing your limits and moral core.



Great book. A must read. I did watch the movie after I finished the book. The movie was done well, many things from the book were taken out and it ended diefferently however I was not disappointed in the movie. I would however, recommend reading the book before you see the movie.



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I Escaped From Auschwitz- Book Review

I Escaped From Auschwitz by Rudolf Vrba

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


**************************************SPOILERS*************************************************



"Arbeit Macht Frei" Work will make you free. As 17 year old Rudi Vrba got off a packed cattle car in Auschwitz-Birkenau. Rudi thought I can work hard then I will be free. Little did he know that he was entering one of the most horrific places on earth.



This is Vrba's account of what he faced and lived through as a Jewish teen during WWII. This book brought me to tears, at some points I wanted to scream at the pain and horror that any person who faced Auschwitz.



Vrba wrote through his 17 year old eyes. A boy who had to become a man. A Man who had to fight to survive. A man who wanted to save more from the horrific gas chambers at Auschwitz.



Faced daily with the threat of dying. Rudi had to be strong and his will to survive beyond any means. In his struggle all he could think of was to escape and warn others. He calculated that if the perscuted Jews rose and faught that the senseless murders would stop. Risking his own life, Rudi and his friend Wetzler. A struggle to get to safety both Vrba and Wetzler gave the accounts and numbers of those being murdered in cold blood in Auschwitz-Birkenau.



Within the book not only is there the account of Vrba's escape but the Vrba-Wetzler report with the diagrams of Auschwitz-Birkenau. It includes the tattoo'd numbers on the prisioners of Auschwitz-Birkenau and the Nations of which the Jews, Gypsi's, Russian POW, Ayrans and others captured by the Nazi's. Detailed numbers of the amount on the transports from each country.



When they Vrba and Wetzler completed their report it was to be sent to Hungry in order to save the lives of the Jews scheduled to be transported to Auschwitz-Birkenau. There is a lot of controversy surrounding the distribution of the report. Hungrian Jewish leaders instead negotaited to save the lives of their famiy and close friends.



Thank goodness the report still made it to Britian, America, The Vatican and other influential Allies. Thought approximately 400,000 Hungrian Jews were tortured and murdered in Auschwitz-Birkenau Thanks to Vrba and Wetzler the over a million scheduled to be transported to Auschwitz-Birkenau over 600,000 lives were spared and saved.



There has been a lot of controversy over the facts and the amount of people actually killed at Auschwitz-Birkenau. Vrba had a job at Auschwitz-Birkenau which gave him the upper hand in seeing just how many people were senslessly murdered. Between Vrba's account and Hoess, one of the head SS officers at Auschwitz-Birkenau, the number both discussed was extremely similar.



The Nazi's knew what they were doing was srong, they tried to hide the evidence by burning their victims then using the ashes as fertilizer. We will never know exactly how many were murdered. How many families were wiped off the face of the earth beause of hate and prejudice.



An eloquently written account of the terrors of Auschwitz-Birkenau. The Courage to escape and to warn other intended victims. A must read for anyone who is a history buff, or interested in WWII. Sad, and amazing. You will need tissues.





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December

It seems like 2010 just started and we have only twenty eight days to the end of 2010.  It is very chilly here in Chicago and we are getting snow tonight. It will be our second snow storm. The first was was more like a soft powdering that didn't blanket the town in any snow.

Today, it has been a bit warmer, 31 degrees. No snow yet but should be blanketing the city any time now.  Time to get the snow shovels out.